{"id":14379,"date":"2017-06-25T05:30:44","date_gmt":"2017-06-25T09:30:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dougbittinger.com\/thoughts\/?p=14379"},"modified":"2025-11-26T17:56:04","modified_gmt":"2025-11-26T22:56:04","slug":"fellow-lexophiles-lovers-words","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/fellow-lexophiles-lovers-words\/","title":{"rendered":"For My Fellow Lexophiles (Lovers Of Words):"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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The following plays on words (puns) have been around the internet for some time.  I cannot claim any of them as original (mine), only collected here for your enjoyment.
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  1. \"\"<\/a><\/figure> A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. \u00a0A will is a dead giveaway.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. \u00a0Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  4. \u00a0A backward poet writes inverse.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  5. \u00a0In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  6. \u00a0A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  7. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  8. \"\"<\/a><\/figure> I tried to catch some fog.\u00a0 I mist.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  9. \u00a0If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  10. \u00a0With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  11. \u00a0Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  12. \u00a0When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  13. \u00a0The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  14. \u00a0A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  15. \u00a0When chemists die they barium.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  16. \u00a0You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  17. \u00a0Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  18. \u00a0He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  19. \u00a0A calendar’s days are numbered.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  20. \u00a0A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  21. \"\"<\/a><\/figure> A boiled egg is hard to beat.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  22. \u00a0He had a photographic memory which was never developed.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  23. \u00a0A plateau is a high form of flattery.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  24. \u00a0The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  25. \u00a0Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  26. \u00a0When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  27. \u00a0If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  28. \u00a0When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  29. \u00a0Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  30. \u00a0Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  31. \u00a0Acupuncture: a jab well done.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  32. \u00a0Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  33. \"\"<\/a><\/figure>\u00a0 The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.\u00a0He acquired his size from too much pi.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  34. \u00a0I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  35. \u00a0She was only a whisky maker,\u00a0but he loved her still.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  36. \u00a0A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  37. \u00a0Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  38. \u00a0The butcher backed into the meat grinder\u00a0and got a little behind in his work.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  39. \u00a0No matter how much you push the envelope,\u00a0it’ll still be stationery.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  40. \u00a0A dog gave birth to puppies near the road\u00a0and was cited for littering.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  41. \u00a0Two silk worms had a race.\u00a0They ended up in a tie.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  42. \u00a0A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.\u00a0The police are looking into it.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  43. \u00a0 Atheism is a non-prophet organization.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  44. \u00a0Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a\u00a0head.’<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  45. \u00a0I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.\u00a0Then it hit me.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  46. \u00a0A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  47. \u00a0A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  48. \u00a0The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  49. \u00a0When cannibals ate a missionary,\u00a0they got a taste of religion.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  50. \u00a0Don’t join dangerous cults:\u00a0Practice safe sects.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  51. \u00a0A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  52. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  53. \u00a0I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.\u00a0 I can’t put it down!<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  54. \u00a0The Indians were here first because they had reservations.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  55. \u00a0We’re taking a class trip to the Coca Cola bottling plant.\u00a0 I hope there is no pop quiz!<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  56. \u00a0The Energizer bunny has been arrested, charged with battery.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  57. \u00a0I didn’t like my beard at first, then it grew on me.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  58. \u00a0Broken pencils are pointless.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  59. \u00a0I did a theatrical performance on puns: it was a play on words!<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  60. \u00a0Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  61. \u00a0I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  62. \u00a0In New York a man gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  63. \u00a0You\u2019re never completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  64. \u00a0I have a stepladder, because my real ladder left when I was a kid.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  65. \u00a0My teacher accused me of plagiarism. His words, not mine.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  66. \u00a0I, for one, like Roman numerals.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  67. \u00a0There is no \u201ci\u201d in denial<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  68. \u00a0I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I\u2019m okay.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  69. \u00a0What\u2019s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  70. \u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    The following plays on words (puns) have been around the internet for some time.  I cannot claim any of them as original (mine), only collected here for your enjoyment.    <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[15,29],"class_list":["post-14379","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life","tag-humor","tag-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14379","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14379"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14379\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21634,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14379\/revisions\/21634"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14379"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14379"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14379"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}