{"id":16316,"date":"2017-12-04T07:38:35","date_gmt":"2017-12-04T12:38:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dougbittinger.com\/thoughts\/?p=16316"},"modified":"2025-04-21T01:56:37","modified_gmt":"2025-04-21T05:56:37","slug":"zen-sarcasm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/zen-sarcasm\/","title":{"rendered":"Zen Sarcasm"},"content":{"rendered":"

I did not originate these, but I’ve collected them from various locations on the World Wide Web as I’ve encountered them.\u00a0 Enjoy!<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.<\/li>\n
  2. It’s always darkest before dawn.\u00a0 So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.<\/li>\n
  3. Don’t be irreplaceable.\u00a0 If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.<\/li>\n
  4. Always remember that you’re unique: just like everyone else.<\/li>\n
  5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.<\/li>\n
  6. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.<\/li>\n
  7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.<\/li>\n
  8. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.<\/li>\n
  9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.<\/li>\n
  10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.<\/li>\n
  11. If you always tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.<\/li>\n
  12. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.<\/li>\n
  13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.<\/li>\n
  14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.<\/li>\n
  15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.<\/li>\n
  16. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.<\/li>\n
  17. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.<\/li>\n
  18. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.<\/li>\n
  19. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.<\/li>\n
  20. Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    I did not originate these, but I’ve collected them from various locations on the World Wide Web as I’ve encountered them.  Enjoy! The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. It’s always darkest before dawn.  So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to … Continue reading “Zen Sarcasm”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":16319,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[15],"class_list":["post-16316","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life","tag-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16316","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16316"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16316\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21476,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16316\/revisions\/21476"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16316"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16316"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pineymountainfoster.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16316"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}