Hurt, resentment and a bit of anger welled up from my heart and swirled around my brain stem begging to be vocalized and hurled at my unsuspecting wife.\u00a0 Not long ago I would have opened my mouth and given release to them, but years of training were finally paying off and caused my jaw muscles to clench for a moment while I reviewed the situation.\u00a0 What had actually just happened?\u00a0 Is this response appropriate?<\/p>\n
It began a few minutes earlier that bright sunny, Sunday morning.\u00a0 My wife; Marie, and I got into the truck to go to church.\u00a0 I turned the key, fully expecting to hear the familiar quick rowr-rowr-rowr of the starter motor turning over the engine followed by the purr of combustion indicating a successful start.\u00a0 Instead all we heard was the rapid metallic fluttering of a solenoid failing to engage.\u00a0 I knew that sound all too well.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d been working on cars since I was 8 or 9.\u00a0 My dad was a jet engine mechanic and did all of our auto repair work himself.\u00a0 As soon as I was tall enough to see over a fender I was out there handing him wrenches and intently watching as he worked.\u00a0 I had worked as a mechanic for two dealerships and as a freelance mechanic until some yahoo backed a truck up to my garage while I was away and stole everything.\u00a0 Because I wasn\u2019t properly insured that put me out of business.\u00a0 Since then I\u2019d tinkered, but had turned my primary focus elsewhere.\u00a0 But I still know a thing or two about the mechanical aspect of cars.<\/p>\n
I explained my diagnosis to Marie; \u201cFailed starter solenoid, maybe the starter \u2013 a bad spot in the commutator maybe but since we\u2019ve had no trouble before that\u2019s not likely.\u00a0 Solenoids can just quit suddenly.\u201d<\/p>\n
She asked, \u201cCould it be the battery?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, not likely.\u00a0 If it were a low battery the solenoid would still kick the starter onto gear with the flywheel and the starter would try to turn.\u00a0 The starter isn\u2019t engaging at all.\u00a0 If the battery were so low it couldn\u2019t even kick the solenoid, the interior and dash lights would dim when I turn the key.\u00a0 They don\u2019t.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s the solenoid.\u201d<\/p>\n
We went back inside.\u00a0 Marie went straight to the computer.\u00a0 I put our church things away.<\/p>\n
A few moments later Marie stated, \u201cThe internet says that a low battery can cause the solenoid to not engage.\u00a0 Do you think we should just check the battery?\u201d<\/p>\n
Her question stopped me in my tracks as my brain whirled.\u00a0 The animal nature in me caused a swirling of negative emotion around the base of my brain, but before that effluent could make the incredibly short leap from brain stem to vocal cords and gush out in some insanely stupid and insensitive burst of rebuttal, I managed to waylay it long enough to consider the situation.<\/p>\n
1)\u00a0\u00a0 This looks like a statement of mistrust, or an accusation of stupidity, but is it? \u00a0Is there evidence to support or refute this notion?\u00a0 Are there other cases where she has expressed a blatant lack of confidence in my ability to accomplish something? No, not really<\/em><\/strong>.<\/em><\/p>\n 2)\u00a0\u00a0 Is there evidence to the contrary?\u00a0 Yes, I have personally witnessed her describing me with such words as \u201cbrilliant\u201d, \u201cgenius\u201d and \u201cwonderfully talented\u201d<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n 3)\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong>Can I say that I have never made a mistake or erred in judgment?\u00a0 Well, no, there was that one time\u2026\u00a0 ok, maybe twice.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n 4)\u00a0\u00a0 What can be the harm in humoring her request?\u00a0 Can it possibly prove so labor intensive or costly as to be worth inciting an argument?\u00a0 Umm\u2026 no<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n 5)\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong>Have I ever, in similar situations, made a snap judgment as to her intentions and blurted out something that proved totally inaccurate and deeply hurtful?\u00a0 Um, well, uh\u2026 yes.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n 6)\u00a0\u00a0 Can it be so demeaning to me as a person to acquiesce that I can not bear it?\u00a0 Well\u2026 <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n This internal discussion took only a few moments.\u00a0 That last thought took several moments longer before I was able to form a coherent vocalization of, \u201cOk, I\u2019ll get the battery charger.\u201d<\/p>\n I installed the charger and retired to the sofa to amuse myself with some internet reading on our netbook.\u00a0 An hour later I went back out and twisted the key, fully expecting to be vindicated by the fluttering sound of a failed solenoid.\u00a0 I was greeted instead by the starter spinning up and igniting a steady flow of internal combustion.<\/p>\n I will admit to a momentary feeling of humiliation as I admitted.\u00a0 \u201cOK, that\u2019s three.\u201d\u00a0 But that passed quickly.\u00a0 Partly due to the fact that Marie\u2019s request was delivered to me in a \u201clets look at options\u201d manner not a \u201cyou\u2019re an idiot\u201d manner.\u00a0 Partly due to the fact that I know her to be an intelligent and well considered person.\u00a0 Partly because I knew that there would be no \u201cSee; I was right, nana nana na na!\u201d coming.\u00a0 She would handle it with the grace and poise that she always does.\u00a0 I mean on both previous occasions.<\/p>\n We drove the truck into town, had the parts store check the electrical system and found the battery to be bad.\u00a0 It was replaced at minimal cost because it was still under warranty.\u00a0 And he checked the system again.\u00a0 Good to go.<\/p>\n Now that it\u2019s all over there are a few feelings of animal-pride and wound licking, but by and large I recognize that this was in fact another event of successful communication between a loving couple.\u00a0 By taking just a few moments to consider my thoughts I avoided a moronic response that would have caused considerable, needless hurt to my beloved, and much remorse on my part.\u00a0 By offering her request as a suggestion, and in a non-confrontational manner, Marie made it easier for me to handle the potential pride-slap.\u00a0 And by not following up with sarcasm or gloating, she made it easier for me to accept her support in the future.<\/p>\n Should any such situation ever occur, that is\u2026 which is, of course, unlikely.<\/p>\n