A PRAYER OF SEARCHING

Calvin S. Metcalf
God, I have come to church today
because I am desperate.
I am not desperate outside of me
where people can notice
but inside
I am a dangling bundle of frustrations.
I am lonely and unhappy
and I am torn asunder
by the gnawing truth that I am a phony.
I have this terrible fear
that people will begin to see through me
and then turn against me.
Lord, I do not want to be rejected by them.
If I confess and repent of my sins
help them to be kind and understanding of me.
After all, I merely want to be what they think I am.
O God, help me to be authentic and courageous.
Help me to stop worrying about what others may think
so I may concentrate on being your kind of person.
Deliver my soul from the slavery of public opinion
so that I may be free and creative
in my commitment to you.
Lord, help me to deal with
my own insecurities and ego needs
in a way that would not embarrass your cause.
As I seek to understand myself,
help me to understand others.
Help me to learn to be patient with their sins
as I know you are patient with mind.
Thank you, Lord for listening to me today.
I believe I will have a good day in worship.
                      Amen
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