If God had inscribed an 11th commandment, it might well have been, “Thou shalt not whine.“
Two Kinds of People
Motivational author Keith Cameron Smith says that there are two kinds of people: winners and whiners and they are easy to tell apart: winners brighten a room when they enter it, whiners brighten a room when they leave it.
If you’re not sure which you are look at your friends, for birds of a feather do flock together. Which kind of people do you surround yourself with: winners take responsibility for their actions and their lives. Whiners play the victim, blaming their troubles on everyone but themselves. Winners seek out ways to accomplish the things they set out to do, whiners seek out excuses for why they fail. Winners tend to energize one another, share their successes, congratulate others, and find the good in all things and praise it. Whiners discourage others, gossip, wallow in self pity, and find something to complain about all things. Have you ever noticed how groups of whiners actually have competitions to see whose life is the worst?
Self pity is the largest part of the dark cloud that leaves a room when a whiner walks out of it. Self pity is much like a pig that wallows in its own bodily wastes. The more it engages in this behavior the worse it smells, and the more objectionable it is to those who don’t. A group of pigs can tolerate each other because they all stink and have become accustomed to the smell.
Generally speaking, winners will avoid hanging out with whiners and vice versa. Winners do occasionally spend time with whiners when trying to help them clean themselves up. Jesus (the ultimate winner) took time to be with whiners to influence them for the good.
It’s Your Choice
Being a winner or a whiner is a choice. If you choose to be a winner, it demands that you focus on the positive, learning to appreciate, encourage, and find the good in yourself and others. Whiners tend to be very negative and become unconscious of just how much they whine.
The Challenge
In The Top 10 Distinctions Between Winners and Whiners, Keith Cameron Smith offers a seven day challenge. Try going seven whole days without complaining. Not so hard? Try it! Here’s how it works: honestly evaluate your statements each day for negativity, complaining, gossip, and nastiness. Only you know the score, so if you cheat you are only cheating yourself (proving you are a whiner). If you go 3 days without complaining about any one or anything, then complain on the fourth day, you must start over at day one. When you can go seven whole days without a single negative comment, you will have become very aware of the power of your words, and of how negative you used to be. You will also notice the winners and the whiners in your life on a deeper level.
In researching this concept a bit more I found an issue I will include that Mr. Smith did not – perhaps he felt it was self-evident. That is that we need not feel defeated or start the challenge over on account of negative thoughts. At least not at first. Our thought processes are, by and large, beyond our immediate control. We are to hold ourselves accountable only for those thoughts that spill out through our lips to influence others.
In time, as we learn to embrace the positive and deny the negative, our thoughts will follow our speech and we will begin to become truly positive people. As for me, I choose to give up snarkiness. I choose to be a winner and help light the way for those who would follow. Will you try too?
If you are already a winner, you may disregard this message and accept my heartfelt congratulations.
A Litmus Test for Negativity
Perhaps you are thinking, “This is all well and good, but how is this done?” I’m glad you asked! A while back my friend Dr. Calvin Metcalf covered this topic and he offered an excellent three point test for negativity in the remarks we might make:
- Is it true?
- Is it kind?
- Is it necessary?
Let’s take a common conversation as an example, gasoline prices. You are with a group of friends who are talking about the increasing cost of fuel and its effect on everything they buy and the economy in general. It would be a “natural” thing to join in and moan about how the greediness of the oil companies has impacted your life.
1) Is this true? Yes, it is true that the prices have gone up and an impact is being felt, but it is entirely the fault of the oil companies? Are you an economist, do you know this as a verified fact or are you parroting opinions you’ve often heard from others and randomly placing blame?
2) Is it Kind? No, definitely not.
3) Is it necessary? No, griping about it to your friends is not going to solve anything, so what’s the point? If you want to gripe, gripe to your congressman.
By using this simple, three point test to assess our conversations we can learn to avoid negativity in our conversation and steer ourselves toward a more positive, and happier, existence. My old saying for this week: “Find the good and praise it.” Instead of letting negativity consume you, actively look for good, positive things in your surrounding and be glad of them. Share you findings with others. Yes; they’ll think you’ve gone nuts, but won’t it be more fun than being just another old sour-puss?
